Last week was a bad week. Everything was harder to write and slower to get done. So hard that Thursday and Friday I did nothing at all. I don’t know if it was just that I’d gotten in to a kind of rhythm and I was getting bored, or if some physical health problem was creeping in, or work stress was getting a hold of me, or because I don’t take the daylight savings change well; but I was gripped by a malaise and Resistance pounced and got the better of me.
It’s true that it is coming up to a month since I started putting my work out publicly and that the number of people coming to my site was slower than I’d hoped. But it’s also true that the numbers were steadily increasing and I’d always known that it could be years before I saw the results I wanted. Emotion versus logic is a battle that can never truly be won, and I’ve spent most of the month flipping back and forth from one position to the other.
It’s also true that I had a slight runny nose and joint pain that usually indicates the very early stages of a cold. Maybe I was getting sick, and my immune system kicked in, but I’m feeling better this week.
Work is a never-ending source of stress, which it shouldn’t be. I don’t have a complicated job; I know that I can get things done, because I have come across nearly everything the job can throw at me in two years and learned who to deal with unexpected problems when they occur. I know I’m a reasonable worker who is an asset to the business, and I watch some completely inept idiots wander about and not get fired, so I’m sure that I will at least not be the first neck on the block when corporate decides to right the ship. Still, I have a measure of pride and work ethic, which makes me compete more against my past performance than the other plebs, so I often am grumpy when things don’t play out how I want them to. Plus, work changed my hours a couple months ago so that now I can’t get home before the sun comes up, which makes it much harder for me to get to sleep.
It was also the fortnight after the daylight savings change. I can’t remember a time when that hasn’t sucked. Both the October and April daylight savings changes knock me around more than more people. I don’t know what it is, I struggle to get good sleep at the best of times, and maybe the change is enough to throw me out of whack.
Either way, I barely slept last week. I was up all day and slept a couple of hours at most. I was irritable and my back was complaining more than usual. It’s pretty hard to be creative when you feel like that.
So, never mind. Last week is a write off (pun intended). I’m not going to try to catch up, those days are gone to me, and I’m moving forward.
Time to get back to work.